Author

When people find out you’ve written a book, they ask a lot of questions. Below are some of the most frequently asked questions along with my responses. This is a fun way to learn more about an author as well as more about writing.

What inspired you to write this book?
In 2004, I experienced the death of eight individuals – my brother, my mother-in-law, the mothers of three co-workers, a co-worker, the husband of a co-worker and the nephew of a co-worker. As 2005 began, I was paralyzed with grief and I started writing to cope with my pain. Initially, I did not plan to write a book but as time went by my writing took on a life of its own.

When did you know it would become a book?
After several months of writing, I decided to share my work with some friends and co-workers. Their response was positive. Some of their comments were you have an incredible story and you should write a book. Being very naive at the time and not knowing how hard that would be, I thought “why not.”

How did you know you wanted to be a writer?
I always enjoyed writing, was often the one who took notes, wrote work plans and manuals but never thought about writing for publication. During the process of turning my therapy into a book, I discovered that I enjoyed writing. It felt right and natural, seemed to fit my personality and I felt like I had something worthwhile to share.

What do you believe is the hardest part of writing?
For me the hardest part of writing was telling and reliving my personal stories. Initially, when I started I had one main question – why my brother and I did not get along. To find the answer, I went back as far as I could remember – to a childhood where I felt insecure and different. The daughter of a minister and a mother who spent time in the state mental hospital, I reflected on how this affected me. Why had I married too young, been abused, the victim of adultery, divorced and a single mom before age 27? It was very hard analyzing all my decisions, discovering the connections, realizing the mistakes I had made, especially the consequences I suffered because of this and finally understanding that my family was broken.

The issues you mention are serious and heavy. Is the book depressing? Why would someone want to read about the problems of another person?
Individuals who’ve read my book tell me that it is an easy read. It is interesting, sometimes funny, sometimes sad, informative, and ends on a positive note. I’ve been told that readers enjoyed watching me grow from a shy little girl with a speech impairment to a self-confident woman finally in touch with and in control of her own life. Many individuals have said they could not put the book down once they started reading it. They couldn’t wait to see what I’d get into next. Many said that they knew other individuals – mothers, sisters, daughters – who struggled with many of the same issues I did. Being able to put my life back together gives others hope that they can do the same.

Did you have to get permission from the people in your life that you included in your book?
I struggled with this for a long time and sought the advice of several published authors. Since I was writing my story I did not ask for permission from anyone but I did change everyone’s name. People that know me will know who I’m talking about. I did this out of consideration to the people in my book. Even though I was writing my story – which often involved them – I was very aware that some of them did not want their story shared with others. By changing the names people that knew them could read my book without knowing who I was talking about. I did tell my two children that I would leave out anything they were uncomfortable with. I wasn’t trying to get even with anyone and I didn’t make anything up. In fact, I left some things out that I felt were just too personal to share. It has generated some interesting conversation from my family and friends – something that I wasn’t adequately prepared for. The bottom line is, the book is my story – how I feel about the things that happened to me. Those who’ve shared my life would tell the same stories but it would be from their view point. Many individuals can go through the same experience but when given the opportunity each one tells it from their perspective.

The title of your book features the word “memoir.” What classifies the novel as a memoir instead of an autobiography, since it covers the majority of your life?
That was a tough one too. I remember discussing this early on with numerous individuals. The answers varied. I read a lot about how the definition of autobiographies was changing. I was aware that an autobiography typically covered a whole life whereas memoir tended to focus on a portion of a person’s life. There was some discussion that you had to be famous to write an autobiography – which I wasn’t. Everybody was writing a book and calling it a memoir. Some people felt that autobiographies were historical but memoirs were more emotional and personal. I could have focused on the one traumatic event with my brother but then I might have missed the pattern – how what happened before and after shaped my life. Memoir seemed to fit my story. The book went through five professional edits and no one suggested that I remove memoir from the title.

How long did it take you to write it?
I wrote the book in six months but then spent one year revising and editing it, three years searching for a publisher and then another year for it to be released.

What advice would you offer to anyone who wants to begin writing their life story but isn’t sure where to begin?
I would recommend starting out with short stories. My book was the first thing I ever wrote and it was extremely difficult because I did not have the knowledge and tools needed to be a writer. I was learning while I was writing. It would have been much easier with a 500 word story rather than a 270 page book. Join a group like Story Circle Network which focuses on helping women write about their lives. Join local writing groups. There you’ll find support and a wealth of knowledge. Attend writing conventions. Many of them offer workshops on all aspects of writing, and the guest list can be impressive (agents, publishers, accomplished writers). Take writing classes. There you’ll discover if you have a talent for writing and if this is something you’ll enjoy. Start with a journal. Journaling about your thoughts and feelings will tell you if you can go deep enough to write your story.

Tell us something about yourself. (Where are you from, what is your background, or anything we might find interesting about you.)
I’m from North Carolina. I’ve lived in four states and spent much of my life traveling. I’ve been to 45 of the 50 states. I have a degree in Marketing and have done various types of work. For the past 17 years, I have worked in the mortgage business. About five years ago, when that industry took a downturn, I started to write and think about the possibility of another line of work.

What has been the most dramatic thing to happen as a result of your book being published?
Having readers share their personal stories with me and how reading my book affected them. Years ago I started my career with non-profit agencies. Through the years I’ve done a lot of volunteer work, trained to be a Personal Life Coach, Dale Carnegie Coach and a Stephen Minister – which gives me much satisfaction. I’ve decided to seek a job which allows me to help others who are broken and in pain. I’m also exploring going back to college to get my Masters in Counseling. I’ve come to believe that all the bad things that happened to me were for a reason. I feel compelled to use my experiences to help others. The publication of my book is launching a whole new career for me. Like the women from the movie, Calendar Girls, the last half of my life is going to be the best.

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I’m always looking for ways to help market my Personal Life Coach Services. Thumbtack.com is a good way for me to offer personal life coaching sessions by phone/email to help individuals determine what they want, set goals and hold them accountable and to help individuals recover from all types of abuse. Check out my listing to learn even more about what I do!

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